


What Happens After

by broodywolf



Series: Worth Fighting For [6]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Marriage Proposal, Trespasser Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 23:24:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4764878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broodywolf/pseuds/broodywolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Inquisition may be formally coming to an end, but for Cullen and Alyx it's a new beginning. </p><p>Starts with the proposal scene and will go on to explore where their lives lead after the events of Trespasser.</p><p>*Indefinite Hiatus*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"You there! You're to dodge, not catch. If that ball were a fireball, you'd be dead."

Cullen was kneeling on the ground in his finery, pointing a stern finger at a mabari, which barked and wagged its tail at the scolding. Alyx smiled fondly.

"You… found a dog." Because of course he did. Only her Cullen would happen across a mabari in the middle of Halamshiral.

"They don't breed mabari in Orlais. The merchant said he was abandoned. Perhaps his owners tired of the novelty?"

"Poor boy." Alyx frowned. From what she had seen, it would be all too typical of Orlesian nobility to adopt a mabari as an interesting diversion, only to leave it in the dust the moment it became trouble. Unfortunate, but true. "Well, he seems happy now."

"Another Fereldan trapped at the Winter Palace—I couldn't leave him to that fate. Besides, I think he likes me!" Cullen beamed at the dog, and Alyx's heart swelled at the sight. Maker, she loved that man. There were still moments that she wondered at how they got here. All the people she might have fallen for, and it ended up being a templar, albeit a former one. It had been good for both of them, though, she thought. It hadn't often been easy but… to get to see him like this? He smiled so much more freely now, and laughed. The symptoms of lyrium withdrawal were all but gone, his bad days ever fewer and farther between. Neither of them would ever be able to fully leave their pasts behind them, but they wouldn't be chained down anymore by things they couldn't change. She wasn't sure if either of them would have gotten to this point alone.

She shook herself out of her slight reverie, though Cullen, distracted by his new dog, didn't seem to have noticed.

"You could take him to Ferelden sometime. He should know where he came from."

"I did promise my sister a visit…" he mused, and turned to address the dog. "She might try to spoil you. Remember who you report to." The mabari barked happily. Alyx watched as Cullen petted his dog, who really needed a name, come to think of it, but then she saw her love's face grow suddenly contemplative.

"The Inquisition will change after this. I'm not yet sure what that will mean. Still, I've found certainty in my life now, and the Council won't change that." She smiled at him as he stood up, and then found that contemplation directed at her, though perhaps now with just a hint of awe. He looked away for only a second, and then—

"Marry me."

Alyx was pretty sure her heart stopped for a moment before it kicked back into overdrive, her face falling slack like it just couldn't quite keep up with the number of emotions flying through her. Later, she would realize with amusement that the dog barked excitedly at her at this point, looking eagerly from Cullen to her and back again.

"What?" She recovered slightly from the initial shock, and it was her turn to stare with awe.

"I mean, will you…" he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I had a plan, and… and there wasn't a dog. But you were… It doesn't matter."

"What, you mean the dog wasn't part of your grand plan to sweep me off my feet? I think he rather helps." Alyx joked, but she couldn't hide the grin that threatened to split her face in half.

" _Alyx_ _._ "

She reached out to lace her fingers through his and bit her lips closed, trying to look appropriately cowed.

"I've thought of little else," he continued, and she felt she was going to burst with the riot of joy and love that was racing through her, but she knew she had to let him finish. "And I don't need a plan, only to know if you would…" he trailed off, and she took it as her cue, almost cutting him off in her rush to answer.

"I would! I mean, yes, Cullen, of course I will."

The look of pure joy on his face was just too much for her to handle, and she threw herself into his arms, claiming his lips with all the love she had in her. When they finally parted, he leaned back slightly, studying her as though he still couldn't believe she was real.

"You will," he breathed, and she just nodded, breathless. The mabari barked enthusiastically, and Alyx burst out laughing, leaning her forehead gently against Cullen's.

"I like the dog. I really think all marriage proposals should have dogs." She turned slightly in his arms so she could reach down to pet the mabari, who gave another happy bark.

"Are you sure you're not Fereldan?"

She laughed, and kissed him again.

"You know, people will notice the Inquisitor marrying her Commander in the middle of the Exalted Council," she said.

"What—you mean, _now_?" he spluttered slightly.

"Oh. I mean, I just thought… Everyone's here. All our friends, and we might not get this chance again. I know your family isn't here but…" she trailed off, looking at him hopefully. He was right, they didn't know what this Council would bring, but they could have this.

"You're right. It's perfect. Tonight?" He asked, sounding breathless with anticipation.

She beamed at him.

"Tonight."

She could hardly believe it. Tonight, she would be married… Wait, shit. Tonight. She winced.

"Is everything alright? If it's too much, we can-"

"No! Don't you dare. It's just, Dorian and Viv are going to kill me. We're getting married tonight, and I don't have a dress yet!"

"You'd better get going, then." He laughed, and there was so much emotion in his eyes as he smiled at her that it almost killed her to leave. She had work to do, though.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Impromptu wedding preparation, featuring Dorian and Vivienne.

"Dorian! I need your help!"

"Has something happened? Is it about the talks-"

"No, no, I need a wedding dress."

"A wedding dress! My my, Lady Inquisitor, but this _will_ cause quite the scandal." Dorian exclaimed, raising a hand to his chest in feigned shock. Then he smiled at her, an almost wistful expression on his face.

"I take it Cullen proposed, then? I'm happy for you both. Truly, I am," he said.

"No wedding bells for you and Bull, then?"

Dorian sighed. "A massive Qunari in the middle of Minrathous? Do you know the scene that would cause? I truly don't wish to. I gave him a stone, like the one I gave you, of course, but…"

"You'll work it out, I know it." Alyx smiled. After all she and Cullen had come through to get here, how could she not feel optimistic?

"You always know just what to say," Dorian said, smiling at her gratefully. "Well don't just stand there like a lout, we must go find Vivienne!"

Dorian strode off dramatically, and Alyx followed suit with a fond smile.

"Vivienne, darling," Dorian called as they approached the chaise where Vivienne was holding court, "I do hope you didn't have plans. We have work to do."

"Whatever do you mean, my dear?" Vivienne asked, looking at them with one eyebrow raised imperiously.

"I do believe that's your cue, Inquisitor," Dorian added ever so helpfully.

"Why yes it is. Well, Madame de Fer," Alyx smiled, "it seems I could use your assistance. I have rather suddenly found myself in need of a wedding dress."

"A wedding dress? I'm ever so happy for you, of course, but can't this wait until after the Exalted Council?"

"Afraid not. We… um, we might be getting married tonight." Alyx wrinkled her nose as she waited for Vivienne's reaction.

"Tonight! Well, my dear, under most circumstances it would be rather impossible. Luckily, you have me. I know the best dressmaker's in Orlais, and it is just nearby. And, as it happens, I sent them your measurements more than a year ago."

Alyx's apprehensive expression morphed instantly into a broad grin. She launched herself at Vivienne, who, to her credit, froze awkwardly for only a moment before settling her arms around Alyx's back.

Alyx pulled back, grinning sheepishly. "You're the best, Viv."

"I know, my dear. You're quite welcome," Vivienne said regally, but her smile was warm as she regarded Alyx. "That said, we should be going. There will still be adjustments to make, and we haven't much time."

\---

The dressmaker's was… amazing. Silks and brocades in every color imaginable lined the walls, as well as sketches of the latest designs, and when the attendant pulled out the dress Vivienne had requested for her…. Alyx forgot how to breathe for a moment. It was perfect. The fabric was light, almost sheer, and caught the light beautifully with a slight sheen. There was no corset, Maker bless Vivienne for granting her that, but instead panels of intricate silver filigree accentuated the waist and wrapped over her shoulders in a way almost reminiscent of her armor, only delicate, breathtaking.

"Vivienne, I…" There were no words. She had no words at all to describe that dress.

"I know, darling. Come, you must try it on!"

On, the dress was even more captivating. The fabric flowed like water as she moved, gleaming faintly. The filigree panels curved perfectly around her waist and shoulders. She stared into the mirror, utterly awed. She looked so beautiful. She spun around to grin at Dorian and Vivienne, giddy like a little girl.

The dressmaker pinned the fabric in a few places, adjusting the hem and perfecting the fit. When the time came to take it off again, Alyx couldn't help but feel slightly sad. Ridiculous, considering she'd be back in the dress in only a few hours. They left the dressmaker's, with the promise that the dress would be delivered to the palace as soon as the adjustments were made.

Alyx couldn't wipe the grin from her face the whole way back.

"Shit, I haven't even told everyone else yet! There's so much to do…"

"You leave that to me, my friend. Vivienne, go work your magic," Dorian instructed them.

"Of course, darling." With that, Dorian pivoted on one heel and walked off.

"You have even more magic? Do tell."

“I’ve booked us an appointment. The spa here is perfection,” Vivienne said, resting a hand on her cocked hip.

“That… sounds wonderful. Lead the way.”

\---

As she might have expected of any establishment that would meet Vivienne’s exacting standards, the spa was absolute bliss. All of her stress over the Exalted Council, and all of her nervous tension was soaked and massaged away. And Vivienne, despite her and Alyx’s conflicting opinions on the Circles, had always been good company. It was nice to catch up, and for once without the end of the world hanging over their heads.

When they had finally finished, and the mysterious cheese circles were removed from her eyes, she cast a curious glance at her surroundings. Funny, she hadn’t heard anything, but… the place was trashed. Was that… a banana nailed to a stick?

“What… happened?”

“Don’t fret, my dear! You’ll undo all the good work they’ve done. Now, go and get dressed, there are still a few more things to do before your dress arrives.”

\---

By the time those few more things were done, Alyx’s short hair was coiffed into an elegant wave on top of her head, and Vivienne’s stylist had adorned her features with the finest Orlesian cosmetics. Nothing too much, just a hint of kohl, a slight sweep of something shimmery over her eyelids, and a bit of rouge for her cheeks, accentuating her high cheekbones.

Alyx added her own final touch once the stylist had departed- a wave of her fingers, and the tattoo framing her left eye went from shocking turquoise to a light silver, to complement the filigree on her dress. She smiled at her reflection. Now all that was missing was that dress, and her groom.

She looked around at the bedroom she and Cullen were staying in for the duration of the Exalted Council. Tonight, they would be married. Tonight, her husband would bring her back to these very rooms. A tingle of anticipation ran up her spine.

“You look radiant, darling” Vivienne said, re-entering the room, a long cloth bag slung over her arm.

“I know.” Alyx grinned at her in the mirror. “Thank you, Vivienne. I can’t tell you how much this all means to me.”

“For you, my dear? Anything.” Vivienne smiled, laying the bag on the bed and pulling Alyx’s dress out of it. Alyx jumped up excitedly, rushing over to the bed. It was just as beautiful as she remembered. Granted, she had only seen it the first time a few scant hours ago, but… still. She eagerly slipped it on, and Vivienne fastened the row of small buttons up the back.

“There,” she said. “Beautiful. Now, you just relax. I’ll come fetch you when it’s time.” Vivienne turned and breezed out of the room. Alyx’s gaze was still transfixed by the mirror. She spun slightly to better appreciate the movement of the dress, rippling delicately around her legs.

“My, my!” Dorian exclaimed, parading into the room. “You’re going to make our poor Cullen faint.” Then, giving her a warm smile, “You look absolutely stunning, Alyx.”

“Thanks, Dorian,” she said, returning his smile.

“One more thing,” he said, reaching out to lift her wrist. He gently fastened a bracelet there. Alyx’s mouth fell open slightly as she lifted her hand to get a better look at it. An intricate, thick silver chain looped around her wrist, ending in a beautiful clasp in the shape of a dragon’s head.

“Dorian, where did you…” she trailed off, unsure what to say. The bracelet was absolutely beautiful, and looked like it must have cost a fortune.

“I had to get you a wedding present, didn’t I? Besides, I’m a magister now,” he said, and there was still a slight downward curve to his mouth as he said the word, though he covered it with a wry smirk, “Which means I’m also disgustingly rich. What good is it all if I can’t buy lavish presents for my friends?”

“Thank you, Dorian. I love it,” she said breathlessly, beaming at him slightly watery-eyed.

“Alright, that’s enough. If you make me cry I’ll never forgive you,” Dorian said with a slight sniff.

Alyx threw her arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. It took only a moment for him to return the embrace, his arms winding around her back.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Dorian.”

Dorian heaved a disgusted sigh and pushed her away slightly.

“Now look what you’ve done!” he cried, pulling out a handkerchief to dab at his eyes.

“Oh, sorry. What I meant to say was that it’s absolutely dreadful having you here. Just awful. I can’t stand it one bit.” She grinned.

He laughed slightly, folding the handkerchief and slipping it back into a cleverly concealed pocket.

“I’m glad to be here, my friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I have lots of feelings about Dorian friendship right now? Because I do. I really do. Next chapter obviously is the actual wedding <3 <3 <3


	3. This is the part where you make a promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding scene! This is so sappy but I don't even care.

"It's time," Vivienne said, walking in with a soft smile on her face.

Dorian took a couple of steps towards the door before turning to wait for her. Alyx took one last look in the mirror, and with a deep breath made to follow Dorian.

"Oh, crap, hang on!" Alyx said, rushing around the bed to dig through the heap that was her armor. She pulled Cullen's lucky coin out of the hidden pocket where she kept it in the front of her coat, and tucked it into the bracelet of woven leather strips she had made for it. She held out her left wrist and the bracelet to Dorian.

"D'you mind?" she asked.

"Of course not," Dorian said, grabbing the ends of the bracelet to tie it carefully around her wrist. Alyx bit back a slight wince as his fingers brushed over the anchor. Job finished, Dorian turned her wrist back over and gave a warm smile, looking up from the coin to meet her eyes. She had, of course, told him all about the coin and what it meant.

"There," said Dorian softly, releasing her wrist. "All ready?"

"Yes," Alyx breathed.

Dorian stepped towards her, holding out his arm. She raised her eyebrows at him slightly in question.

"If anyone is going to give you away to our dear commander, it's going to be me," Dorian said in a tone implying he was slightly insulted she even had to wonder.

"Of course," she laughed, looping her hand through the crook of his elbow. Together they strode from the room, Vivienne following after.

\---

Alyx hardly recognized the garden. The ceremony was to be held right by where Cullen had proposed earlier that day (had it really been less than a day?), but the area had been completely transformed. Tiny, glowing orbs hung floating in the air, filling the night with soft, warm light. Mother Giselle stood in the corner of the garden beneath an ethereal, silvery arch that had also been bedecked by the tiny lights.

Alyx gave Dorian a slightly bewildered, awed look.

"Did you…"

"You didn't think Vivienne was the only one with magic to work, did you?" Dorian asked with a pleased laugh.

"Dorian, it's… _amazing_." She grinned.

All their friends were there too, gathered around the gorgeous altar Dorian had erected.  Tears began to prick at her eyes. It was so fucking _perfect_.

Then Cullen stepped forward from where he'd been exchanging words with a slightly teary-eyed Cass, and it was like the whole world stopped. The smile on his face had to be the most perfect thing she had ever seen, awed and overjoyed and heartbreakingly beautiful. She could see the moment he took in her dress, his mouth falling open slightly as his eyes travelled downwards. He met her eyes again, staring like he couldn't believe she was real, and she had to fight the urge to run the rest of the way down the makeshift aisle and into his arms.

After what seemed an eternity, they made it to the archway where he stood. Dorian clasped hands with Cullen, exchanging heartfelt smiles as he handed her over and made his way to stand off to the side next to Bull.

Cullen took both of her hands in his, so gently, eyes fixed on hers.

"Just now… Everything feels like it was worth fighting for," he said softly, voice deep with emotion.

"It was," she whispered back. She felt like nothing had ever been truer than those two words. She thought back to Haven, the distrust and fear she had felt back then, realizing he was a Templar. She thought about his determination to get everyone he could to safety when Haven was attacked, the pained look he gave her as she walked out of the chantry, and waking days later, aching and frostbitten, to find him waiting at her bedside. She had agreed, that day, to call him Cullen. She’d asked him to call her Alyx. She hadn’t yet known what that would mean. But now she knew- it had been a promise. Together, they weren’t Inquisitor Trevelyan and Commander Rutherford. They were just Alyx and Cullen, and they were stronger for it.

“This is…” Cullen started, but was seemingly unable to find words to express the joy and awe beaming from his face. Alyx couldn’t imagine that there were words for it, and simply nodded at him.

“This is the part where you make a promise,” Mother Giselle interrupted their reverie, an indulgent smile on her face.

“Oh. Right,” Cullen cleared his throat, not taking his eyes off her for a second. “I swear unto the Maker and the Holy Andraste to love this woman the rest of my days. To care for her, and laugh with her, and share in her joys and her sorrows every day for the rest of my life.” His voice remained steady, but his eyes shone with tears of joy as he let out a small huff of amazed laughter.

“Cullen,” Alyx smiled, “I have admittedly never had much faith in the Maker, but you make me want to believe in something. There aren’t words for what I feel for you, but I promise to spend the rest of my life showing you. I promise to make you smile as often as possible, to support you in all things, and I promise never to stop fighting for what we have as long as I still live.

“Then, in the eyes of the Maker, I declare you to be husband and wife. Commander, you may kiss your bride.”

Around them, their gathered friends began to cheer, but Alyx could do no more than register this on an only semi-conscious level, because the joyful smile on Cullen’s face was blinding her, and as she stepped forward his hand was on the small of her back, the other softly cupping her face. When their lips finally met it was a gentle, reverential thing, it was love and worship and hope. It was everything. Overwhelmed, Alyx brought her arms around Cullen’s neck to pull him to her as she threw herself into the kiss. Cullen chuckled low against her lips before he relented to her attempt to deepen the kiss. The hand on her back pulled tighter and he dipped her low, kissing her completely senseless. She was lost in it, lost in him, until someone let out an obnoxious wolf whistle and Cullen snapped upright, pulling her abruptly to her feet.

Cullen coughed awkwardly, a blush spreading across his cheeks. A few feet away, Dorian was looking much too pleased with himself, cocking an eyebrow at her as she narrowed her eyes back at him.

Turning away from Dorian, Alyx hooked a hand in the front of Cullen's jacket, pulling him in for another quick kiss. She rested her forehead against his, laughing breathlessly.

“That was quite the kiss, husband.” She watched his eyes light up at her use of the word and smiled.

“That it was,” he said, “ _wife_.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really meant for this fic to be very fluffy and happy. Um. I'm sorry. 
> 
> Also, I'm going to be jumping around a bit for the rest of the Trespasser part, because really the point of this fic was the "what happens after." So bear with me here :)

Pain crackled up her arm, burning and itching on top of the bone-deep ache that never went away these days. The others were talking, fighting, and she wanted to yell at them to stop but the pain hung over her like a fog. She wrung her hand out, biting her lip to keep quiet. They didn’t have time for this.

 

Qunari spies in the Inquisition, Ferelden and Orlais at their throats, whatever the fuck was going on with these agents of Fen’harel…

 

Josie was distraught, under more pressure than ever, Cullen was losing his temper, they couldn’t _do_ this right now, in the midst of all this they couldn’t be fighting each other-

 

With an audible crack of magic in the air, the anchor seized violently, white-hot jolts of pain shooting up her arm, her whole body, hot pokers on her skin and a deep ache resonating in her bones, jarring like she’d been electrocuted. A cry ripped itself from her lips despite her best efforts, and she staggered forward, clutching her burning forearm with her good hand.

 

"Shit! Dammit! We save Ferelden, and they're angry. We save Orlais, and they're angry. We close the Breach, TWICE, and now my own hand wants to kill me. Will one thing in this FUCKING WORLD just _STAY FIXED_ _?_ " she screamed, breathing heavily as pain continued to shoot up her arm.

 

She had apparently managed to shock Josephine and Leliana into silence, but Cullen swept forward and crushed her in his arms. She clutched desperately at his back one-handedly, heaving a terrified sob into his shoulder. It would be bad enough, dealing with this Qunari threat, the rumors of corruption in the Inquisition, but those things she could deal with. She had faced worse, surely, and come out unscathed, but the mark…. How could she fight something that was inside her? She was afraid to even look at her hand now. She knew the anchor had grown, crackling up her arm, expanding to where it had started to rend the skin apart. It seemed like every hour it had moved further up her arm, and there was no way of stopping it. The only person who had ever shown any understanding of the anchor was Solas, and all of Leliana's searching the past two years had turned up nothing.

 

She had tried to shrug it off, but it was becoming harder and harder to ignore. The anchor was killing her. She could feel it, a certainty that rattled in her bones each time the thing acted up. She wasn't going to survive this much longer. She buried her face in Cullen's chest to muffle a hysterical sob, clinging to him as tightly as she could. His grip tightened around her waist, and she could tell that he knew. That, more than anything, broke her heart. He deserved so much more than this. He deserved someone to grow old with, someone to love him and make him laugh until the end of his days. He deserved children and grandchildren. He deserved a life with someone, and she couldn't give it to him. They'd been married hardly three days and she was going to make him a widower.

 

She couldn't break down now, though. She had to pull herself together, because as fucking usual, she had a world to save. She pulled away from him, wiping her eyes on her sleeves.

 

"I need to get to the Darvaraad. You can all fight amongst yourselves once I'm…." Once I'm dead, she thought, but she couldn't do that to Cullen. "Once I'm back."

 

She turned to leave, but felt Cullen’s fingers gently encircle her wrist, halting her movement.

 

“Alyx…”

 

His voice was pleading, broken, and she blinked away more tears before turning to face him. Leliana and Josie backed quietly out of the room, leaving them alone.

She met his eyes, and saw in them the terrible truth hanging unspoken between them, ringing louder and louder in the silent room now they were alone.

 

There was every chance Alyx would not return.

 

Before he could speak and give voice to their worst fears, she launched herself at him. She threw her arms around his neck, fingers tangling in his hair as their lips met roughly. Cullen staggered backward with her momentum until his back hit the wall. He let out a surprised little huff of air on the impact, but wasted no time in wrapping his arms around her waist, clutching her tighter to him. She melted into him, and he pressed his advantage, winding an arm around her leg and spinning them so she was the one pressed against the wall.

 

She poured everything she had into the kiss. She didn’t have the words to tell him what she felt anyway, so she told him the only way she knew how. All of her love, everything she had ever hoped and dreamed. Everything she was afraid to lose. And oh, was she afraid. She wanted a life. She wanted to be the one to give him children, and make him laugh every day, and grow old with him. She wanted it with every fiber of her being, a painful, fierce longing that threatened to rip her apart. She could see it. A little house somewhere with the mabari running out in the yard, the children playing. Cullen smiling at her like the sun.

 

A crackle of strange magic, more barbs of pain up her arm, further and further each time. The vision in her mind dissolved.

 

Another vision. Some dark corner of the crossroads, shimmering with ancient magic. Green light suffusing the air like fog, it’s _everywhere_ and it’s coming from _her_ , angry jolts of magic crackling across every inch of her skin, burning, consuming.

 

Cullen, standing alone. Cullen, voice twisted in grief as he called her name, over and over—

 

_“ALYX! ”_

 

She was on the floor, knees pulled in towards her chest. Cullen knelt in front of her, hands holding her face. Worry and concern and fear were etched into his brow, and his eyes shone with tears. He sank to the floor beside her, wrapping his arms around her as she sobbed.

 

“Shh, it’s alright. You will prevail, as you have before. And I’ll be waiting when you get back.”

 

She nodded weakly, her wet cheek sliding against his chest. She would come back, she would come back, she would come back. She could do that, for him. She would.

 

She knew in her heart it was a lie.

  



	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen awaits Alyx's return from the Darvaraad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter deals with the damage to the inquisitor's arm after the anchor is removed, and discusses the amputation that follows. Mostly I leave the details up to the imagination, but there are mentions of blood, etc.

The dormant Eluvian cast a faint bluish glow over the small storage room, the strange light painting the backs of his eyelids even if he shut his eyes against it. Maybe it was just him, Maker knew he was a wreck, but he swore he felt it in his bones, setting his teeth on edge as he sat, waiting. 

 

He felt like he was being ripped apart limb by limb.

 

He should have gone with her. He was so useless here, just endlessly waiting. Maker, the waiting. It had been strategically the correct decision, he had to be here just in case… well. There it was, the knife currently carving his insides to bits.  _ In case _ . He couldn’t even bring himself to finish the thought, but those two words alone were enough. 

 

It was odd to think of all the years of his life that he hadn’t even thought of giving his heart to another, hadn’t thought he needed it and now… Now, the world without her in it was unthinkable. Impossible. She was his world, she was his  _ wife _ , and if she didn’t come back…

 

_ She’ll come back. She has never failed yet. She’ll come back. _

 

It didn’t matter how many times he repeated the words to himself. His traitorous mind refused to truly believe. What had happened to the faith he once had? 

 

His mind was all too eager to provide him with other images, though. 

 

Alyx, screaming and cursing. Alyx, her eyes heavy with a truth he could not, would not, acknowledge. Alyx, contorted, writhing in pain, the mark on her hand crackling with green light, unknown magic snaking up her arm. 

 

_ She’s dying and you cannot stop it , _ hissed an insidious voice in his head. 

 

He shook himself, as though he could physically knock such thoughts from his head. 

 

_ She’ll come back. She has never failed yet. She’ll come back. _

 

He repeated his mantra over and over but it did nothing to dissolve the terror sitting like a leaden weight in his chest. 

 

He’d seen the lie in her eyes as she left. She didn’t think she was coming back from this. 

 

A low sob escaped him at the thought. 

 

He should have gone with her. 

 

He heard light footsteps around the corner, and then Leliana was beside him, lowering herself gracefully to the floor where he sat in vigil. He turned to her, his agony surely written plain on his face. Her features were drawn tight, worry and fear in the delicate wrinkle of her brow, but she offered no empty words of comfort. He was grateful for it. 

 

She laid a hand on his shoulder, and together they waited. 

  
  


What seemed like an eternity later, the eluvian rippled with its strange energy, suddenly illuminating the whole room with bright light. 

 

Cullen scrambled to his feet, staring at the undulating surface with his heart in his throat. After another agonizing moment, someone stepped through. Cassandra, face drawn and grim, but when she met his eyes her own were wild with something like anger, and with  _ grief. _

 

“No,” he choked, shaking his head in terrified denial.  _ No, no, no . _

 

Cassandra rushed forward, grabbing both his arms and shaking slightly, willing him to look at her. 

 

“She’s alive, Cullen.”

 

He nearly sank to the floor with the weight of his relief.  _ Alive _ _._ She was alive. But if she was alive, then why…. He fixed Cassandra with a questioning look.

 

“She’s alive, but…” Cassandra trailed off, looking back towards the eluvian. Dorian had followed after Cassandra, tears streaming openly down his face. Dorian, too, turned to look behind him, and Cullen waited with bated breath.

 

Another ripple in the mirror’s strange surface illuminated The Iron Bull’s massive silhouette, and then-  _ oh, Maker _ .  

 

Bull, too, had tears streaming down his face, but Cullen barely noticed this because he had Alyx cradled in his massive arms. Her body was limp, head lolling over one muscled forearm, her armor singed and tattered.

 

Her left arm was destroyed. Shredded and burned so badly he could hardly bear to look. 

 

For a moment, the steady drip of her blood onto the marble floor was the only sound in the room.  

 

He was distantly aware that his breath was catching on ragged sobs, but he staggered forward towards Bull and Alyx. 

 

“I’ve got her,” he said thickly to Bull, arms outstretched.

 

“You sure?” Bull’s voice was even deeper than usual, solemn in a way Cullen had never heard him before.

 

Cullen nodded. “Please,” he choked, and then Alyx’s weight was solid in his arms and though tears still ran down his face, he found some measure of comfort. He held her tight, leaning down to press a kiss into her hair. 

 

Alyx stirred in his arms, a small whimper of pain escaping her. He shushed her gently, adjusting his gait to jostle her as little as possible. 

 

“Cullen?” 

 

Her voice was such a small thing, whispering and uncertain, and it was so deeply  _ wrong _ to hear her like that. 

 

“Yeah, it’s me. I’ve got you,” he said, fighting to keep his voice as steady as possible through his tears. 

 

“I came back, Cullen,” she said breathlessly, but there was a hint of something like glee in her voice. He could see the muscles in her cheek twitch as she tried to grin at him. He chuckled, and it seemed impossible that such a sound would escape him right now, but then that was Alyx all over. 

 

“You did,” he said, and he was just as breathless, part of him still scarcely able to believe it. 

 

Alyx winced, letting out a sharp hiss of breath.

 

“It hurts, Cullen,” she whimpered, voice smaller than ever. The sound made his heart clench awfully, another low sob escaping him. 

 

“I know, love. It’s gonna be okay. I’ve got you.” He managed to keep the waver from his voice, but it was a close thing. She had been strong for him so many times, though. Now he would be strong for her.  

 

\---

 

The next hour seemed to blur together and stretch out endlessly all at once. Alyx was deposited on their bed, Vivienne and a number of healers surrounding her, the soft glow of healing magic, barked orders, servants rushing in and out with fresh cloths and water. 

 

He’d been shuffled aside to allow the healers to work, but now Vivienne approached him, her face grave.

 

“Commander…” she started, voice uncharacteristically soft. Her brow furrowed and she appeared to steel herself before she continued to speak. The Madame de Fer did not mince words. 

 

“We cannot save her arm. The damage is too great.” Her features softened again, eyes full of something like sorrow. “They have gone to fetch the surgeon, if you would like to… to talk to her. She’s awake.”

 

Cullen nodded and dragged his chair over to the bed, cradling Alyx’s good hand in both of his. 

 

She looked at him, her eyes wide, lips trembling. 

 

“They’re going to cut it off,” she breathed, voice sharp with terror. 

He nodded, giving her hand a squeeze. “Yes,” he said. She wouldn’t want to be coddled. 

 

“I’m so scared,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. 

 

“You can do this, Alyx. You are so strong. The strongest person I know.” He could no longer keep his voice from breaking, but he just held her hand tighter. 

 

Footsteps approaching quickly from the hallway outside announced the surgeon’s imminent arrival. 

 

“Don’t leave me,” Alyx said, eyes wide with terror, fresh tears escaping them. 

 

“Never.” 

 

He planted a kiss on her knuckles and held her hand tight. He wouldn’t let go for anything.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy. This one hurt to write. I promise things will get better from here!


End file.
